Blogmas 16: Stuff you!

16 December 2015

Okay. So that made me seem like I was being rude, I promise I'm not! I just want to talk about the weird thing I do. It relates to teddy bears.
So... Right. There are a few things I do which I understand is not normal behaviour. This is one of them.

At first glance, you'd probably guess that I collect teddy bears. Well.. yes. However it's not as simple as that.

I kind of behave as if teddy bears are real. I probably have over 100 bears. Infact, let's be real here, I probably have around 500 if not more. They're scattered everywhere and in all shapes and sizes. (Well ... and conditions.)

What's so weird about that? Sounds pretty normal, still.

Every single one of my teddy bears has their own name and unique personality. I also personify a tonne more inanimate objects but I'll explain that in a bit more depth later on.

Let's meet a few.

 See that grey, bald dog? Her name is Honey. Well, more accurately she's known as "Big Honey" because I have a non-balding one called "Baby Honey" and a keyring one called "Baby Baby Honey" (See the theme?) She used to belong to my mum, and I've had her longer than I can remember. She's been through the wars. Her eye has been glued back on, her ear has been stitched back on, her back, arm, head... Basically everything. She's the oldest of the bunch, and therefore the wisest. Nobody gets on the wrong side of Ho-I (How I used to pronounce 'Honey'). Also, she hates cats... And dresses but it's Winter and it's cold, therefore she has to wear a dress.

That little green dragon is called Ash. (His label said "Ash The Dragon" so, I went with it.) He's been with me for maybe two years? He's a cheeky little lad. He's best friends with everyone, and plays tricks on his friends. He also really likes cookies!

Captain Dougwash II:
Okay, so he's more commonly known as Dougwash. He is that pirate bear beside Ash. He is a nuisance! He loves money, so you have to be vigilant! He also 'hates' hugs, but fights are okay. (Fights are hugs.) He's obsessed with being the captain - the one in charge. If he finds a cardboard box it is immediately his 'ship'. He also tries to bully any newer teddies to 'steal' jewellery or money off of me and my mum.

Please don't throw me in a padded cell...

I'm not entirely sure why I am the way that I am. I get so upset if I see someone mistreating a soft toy. Like it physically hurts me.

I remember my ex once threw a soft toy at the door in order to close it, and I felt two emotions. One was rage, I shouted at him for it. The other was sadness, I had to immediately grab the toy and hug it while reassuring it that it was okay and it was safe.


I get so upset if I have to part with toys. I once put two toys (I can't deal with singles. There has to be multiple in case they get lonely) into a black bag to donate to charity. I was so choked up about that event that I wrote a song (I don't remember it) and cried.

One time, I was walking home from school when I saw a bag of stuffed toys sitting at the doorstep of someone's house - obviously to get donated to charity, but the fact that there was no air holes meant that Racheal had to physically hold me back from running to grab them.

Nothing pains me more than a soft toy being mistreated. Nothing.

I can't watch that specsavers advert where the teddy flies into space because my eyes start to prickle.

I can't watch that one bit in "Bad Blood" where Zendeya throws a knife at the stuffed toy either, because it hurts me.

It's not normal.

There's a running jokes amongst my friends and I whenever I pass a build a bear. "Oh, don't let me in there!" because... It's like... You know when you get an instant connection with someone? It's like when you click just like *snaps fingers*? You make eye contact and you just know you need that person in your life as a friend? I kinda get the same for teddies. If I see a bear and I get that connection, I can't leave until I buy it. (I did it in Singapore, and because it was such a long flight, I bought it a friend.)

It's probably also important to say that I also talk through my stuffed animals. I can struggle with my words. A lot. Especially around friends or family that I care about. I have a number of my toys that I take around the house with me, and I can talk to my mum through them. I can't remember the last time I ever told her, as myself, that I love her, because that's such a difficult word for me to say. However, if I go downstairs with Ash and play about with him, then bring him over to my mum, I can say "I love you" with ease.

As well as all my teddy's having a personality, they also all have a voice and move a lot. I play basically all the time with my stuffed animals. It's kind of creeps people out how it can look as though they are moving on their own.

I think it's really hard for people to get their brains to fully understand what goes on in my head. I'm not even 100% convinced I've covered everything. I'm not sure whether to blame Toy Story on this, because the first film came out around the same time I was born...  I think it's too deeply ingrained into me to be something to blame on a film.

Regardless, if you're ever with me, and I get emotional over a stuffed toy either because it's been mistreated, "can't breathe" because there's no air holes or I just want to buy it, you are allowed to laugh at me but please don't overstep the line. If I become anxious over your jokes, you will need to stop. I can be really sensitive over this, and have been in the past. I definitely appreciate that this is a difficult thing to understand, which is why it's okay to make fun of me (to my face) in a light hearted way.

The same goes additionally for if I can't put a piece of litter in a bin by itself because sometimes I get the feeling too strongly, and I'll have to get another piece of litter to put in the bin with it so that it's not alone. OR I'll have to eat two sweets at the same time, if it's only one sweet then sometimes I'll have to bite it in half.

Well done for getting through this mess of a post, who knows, maybe I'll have remembered whatever I've forgotten to mention and have a part two of this... Or maybe Summer-Lily will do a guest post for me...

Until next time, be excellent to each other

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