I Was A Functional Human

04 March 2016


I'm really sorry that my blogging and tweeting have all gone downhill recently, I'm not even 100% I even gave a shoutout to Saira who was my Facebook shout out last week.

Basically my mental health took a dip on Valentines day and got rapidly worse for the following week and a half, to a point where I've seeked out help from my local MH clinic and I'll be hopefully starting counselling sessions again just to make sure that I'm okay. Anxiety is a bitch, but I'm gonna fight it right to the end.
Anyway, there are a lot of reason I can decipher that have caused this MH breakdown; finance stress, home life stress (that damn boiler) and college stress are all contributing factors, to keep this relatively short. I may or may not go deeper into this in a separate post, but just know there is some things going on in my head just now that I'm struggling with (but I'm honestly okay! So don't worry!) it's just meant that all the commitments I had; blogging twice a week (maybe not even once a week if I take another dip), updating twitter/taking part in chats and updating my Facebook shoutout every monday are all taking a back seat right now.

I hope you understand. Anyway, on the Thursday that I went to the MH clinic, the most tragic thing happened.

Yup. I forgot my headphones.

I was honestly so sure that I'd remembered to pack them into my bag before college, but when I got to the train station, they weren't there! Turns out I'd left them in the room at home. Idiot.

But, I survived, and it was actually a pretty okay day.

I had a book with me. Not like a reading book, one that I've been reading for my graded unit, so when I was on the train to and from the stations, I just sat and read that. When I walked, I let myself get lost in my thoughts and I looked around me more. It was a really nice day.

I think losing that little bit of comfort made a difference in my day, because suddenly I was open to anything, in the sense I had no barrier now.

When I sat waiting 30 mins for my train back from the MH clinic, I started off reading the marketing book again, but then I started chatting to an old woman, who has really inspired me, tbh.

We talked about how she and her friend have been on a lot of cruises, to North America, the Caribbean, the Mediterranean... and how they're going to be going to the Nordic countries next. She was only in town because she saw a bus in Edinburgh that was going through the town her friend was from, and got off early because she couldn't be bothered waiting another 45 minutes on a bus. She really inspired me.

I want to get to a point one day where I too can see a bus, or a train and just think 'you know what? yeah. I'll go there today'.

Maybe one day, if I'm brave, I can book a last minute flight and just jet set away.

Yeah. Forgetting my headphones that day was actually a blessing in disguise. I had more independence, and I'm more determined than ever to pursue travelling.

Perhaps we should all take a day's break from wearing headphones, just to see what it's like to unplug? Who knows what it may bring...

Until next time, be excellent to each other.

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