I Need To Rant.

20 February 2017

Hello.

For the past few weeks, I've been really unhappy. I've not felt comfortable in my decision of attending university. I've felt like I've chosen the wrong course, or taken the wrong path and everything is like a spiral that I can't escape from. And it's just really brought me down.

I've talked about this a little bit, as a guest post over on my lovely Lucy's blog (go check her out, yo!), but I feel obligated to talk a little about it here.

I study Business and French at UWS. Before that I studied Travel and Tourism (with French) at college. I loved Travel and Tourism. I enjoy travelling, I get a thrill everytime I make a hotel or transport booking somewhere - even just to visit a friend for the weekend. I love it, it's like a buzz I can't describe. I was on two flights very recently and the feeling of sitting on the aircraft and staring out the window is one I have nothing to compare it to. I suppose, think of it as that feeling when it's your birthday and you open a present to find its exactly what you've always wanted. It's almost like that.

But anyway, yeah. That's left me where I am today.

Considering dropping out of university.Now, when I say this, I don't mean I'm dropping out of my course immediately. I still want to complete my third year and obtain my bachelors, but after that... That's gonna be me. I wanna work as much as I can over the summer to get my monies and then go abroad and travel.

It seems a drastic measure, I know. I mean, I have very little motivation to do anything right now, and both my work and education life are fastly deteriorating at a rate I can't keep up with, while my social life is non-existant and I'm pretty sure I'm falling back into a depression, despite clawing out the hole as quickly as I can. It's like quicksand, the more I struggle, the more it sucks me in. Almost like a Chinese finger trap.

But this isn't drastic.

My plan at the moment is to go to France, where I can travel around and practice my French language skills, maybe try and get a job. Then I'm thinking of going onwards through Grenoble, where my flatmate is from so that I can visit her for a bit, and venture from there into Italy. After that I'm not sure yet what I'll do.

I know that a lot of people go through the feelings I'm currently going through, and I know it's likely to just pass by but I just feel so stuck and so helpless right now. There's so much that I don't know and I'm worried that if I stay here, I'll get too comfortable and I'll never see the world in the way I want to. I know that I suffer from anxiety, but I also know that I don't feel any anxiety when it comes to travelling, and if I do, it's extrememly mild and very managable.

What gets to me a little bit though is when people keep telling me that it's not a good idea. That because I'm "young and blonde" I'm more at risk of something bad happening to me. (actual words of one of my lecturers upon asking for travel advice through France.) Please, don't get me wrong, I know everybody who tells me this has their heart in the right place, but it's so disheartening to have so many people tell you that you're stupid for wanting to, or for not trusting that you know how to be safe. If we're close friends and you feel like being able to track where I am makes you feel better, then that's fine. If you're someone I regularly see and would feel better knowing that I was with somebody when I travel, that's fine. It's all fine to want me to be safe, and to have the knowledge that I'll be okay. But please don't try and put me off the idea, because I've already got my heart set on it, and the more I'm told I'm stupid for wanting to do it (which has been said to me, perhaps not by all, but by some) then the more I sink into this feeling. Which feels awful.

This is what I need to do. Additionally, of course, it means that this blog gets to become what I'd always hoped it would be - a travel blog with all my posts giving factual and honest information (not that I'm not honest.)

I thought you all deserved to know that this is floating around my head right now, and I hope you choose to support and come with me on this journey.

I'll have posts coming very soon including an airline review which I'm excited about piecing together, so I'll see you then!

Until next time, be excellent to each other.